“Discipline is helping a child solve a problem. Punishment is making a child suffer for having a problem. To raise problem solvers, focus on solutions and not retribution.” L.R. Knost

Innovation, Nurturing Relationships, and Restorative Practices

Janet Fox Petersen, EdD

School Psychologist, Wichita, KS Public Schools

Much of what we know about the powerful influence of relationships on learning and cognition emanates from the work of the child psychologist, Lev Vygotsky. Vygotsky (1962) asserted that language, conversation, and relationships are central to learning and brain development. Human beings are relational and research indicates that respectful, inclusive, and connected relationshipsare integral to the overall safety and well-being of individuals, families, schools, and communities (Whitlock, 2006). Given the plethora of research on the importance of nurturing relationships in schools, innovative and evidence-based approaches that work are essential. 

Building Caring Relationships Through Restorative Practices

One helpful and innovative paradigm available to schools for building caring and connected relationships is that of restorative practices (RP). RP brings a fresh approach to fostering strong school communities with high expectations and caring relationships. Through a robust continuum of informal to formal restorative approaches, conversations, and conferences, RP focuses on teaching respectful communication skills, listening and speaking; community building and belongingness; peaceably resolving conflict; and repairing harm to relationships when harm has occurred. At the core of restorative practices is a relational approach to problem solving. When conflicts arise among relationships due to misunderstandings, hurt feelings, competing needs and interests, rules being broken, differences of opinions, and behaviors that have brought harm to others, opportunities are provided for all those involved to share honestly about what happened, to listen empathetically to one another’s perspective, to accept ownership for one’s part and repair harm that may have occurred, and to restore positive relationships within the school community. Further, school staff demonstrate care by establishing firm and clear boundaries and expectations for student behaviors and communicating that while we mightnot like the behaviors we observe, we still care about the welfare and wellbeing of the individualas a human being. In other words, a restorative approach to caring relationships when problems arise is that we “separate the deed from the doer.” 

Primary Philosophy of RP

According to Costello, J. Wachtel, and T. Wachtel (2010), the primary philosophy of RP asserts that people do better, are happier, and more successful when those in authority do things WITHthem (restorative, authoritative), rather than TO them (punitive, authoritarian), FOR them (permissive, overprotective), or NOT at all (neglectful, indifferent). For example, school staff who seek to do things restoratively WITH students (a) value the voices and experiences of students and their families, embracing differences and diverse cultural backgrounds; (b) model behaviors they want to see; (c) are firm, fair, and warm; (d) are assertive rather than aggressive; (e) focus on repair, healing, and teaching needed skills; and (f) achieve compliance through relationships, communication, and community rather than through coercion and force. School staff engaged in restorative and relational approaches are exponentially more effective in motivating students to achieve than those who seem disconnected from students’ real-world problems at best, or are adversarial at worst. Implemented well, RP shifts the focus of discipline from retribution, which frequently leads the punished to become angry with the punisher rather than to reflect on and accept responsibility for their own behaviors, to increased accountability for those participating in wrongdoing and a renewed sense of community for all those involved in the restorative process. 

Robust Continuum of Restorative Approaches to Caring Relationships 

RP is a multi-tier system of supports (MTSS) in which restorative approaches are provided for all students at the primary level, Tier I, for some students at the secondary prevention level, Tier II, and more intense interventions for a few students at the tertiary level, Tier III (see Table). A helpful tool in RP to encourage accountability, caring relationships, and school connectedness is the circle. In the circle, participation is voluntary, a talking piece may be used so everyone has an opportunity to speak, and the focus is on building inclusive relationships and repairing harm when harm has occurred in classrooms and the in school community. Restorative questions are another integral part of the restorative approach. Restorative questions provide opportunities for teaching perspective taking, empathy, and conflict resolution skills; assuming responsibility for wrongdoing; and repairing harm (Abramson, 2014). Additionally, restorative questions may serve as a vehicle to empower those affected or harmed by wrongdoing. The process is facilitated to be fair to all parties involved.  Here is an example of restorative questions that may be used in a restorative conference:

1. What happened? (Are you willing to consider there may be multiple perspectives about what happened?)

2. Who was affected and harmed by what happened and in what way?

3. What do you think must happen to repair the harm and prevent it from happening again? 

The restorative questions provide opportunities for students to critically think for themselves and reflect on their actions and how they have affected other people. Depending on the circumstances, restorative questions are appropriate for use in a variety of situations, ranging from informal conversations with individual students, small groups, and in classrooms to highly formal small group conferences with a trained facilitator. The following is a table of possible RP strategies school staff may use to encourage high expectations and caring relationships. 

RP and MTSS

Tier	Level	Restorative Practice
Tier I	Universal: All Students	Community building and peacemaking circles, informal restorative conversations, caring relationships before rules and standards, inclusive school climate, common values, trauma informed, engaging parents
Tier II	Secondary: Some Students	Impromptu restorative conversations, restorative questions, conflict mediation, restorative conferences, peace keeping agreements, trauma informed,apologies, restorative questions, engaging parents
Tier III	Tertiary: Some Students	Alternatives to suspensions and expulsions, formal restorative conferences with a trained facilitator, repairing harm, formal apologies, reintegration after suspension or expulsion without shaming or blaming, restorative questions, collaborative consequences, engaging parents

Table

Paradigm Shift Needed from Punishment to Healing and Repair

For many, embracing the restorative approach and philosophy, a significant paradigm shift is needed. The shift involves moving from a mindset that in order to have a safe and high performing school, adults must exert power over students and punish them for wrongdoing (doing things TO them, which is more likely to increase resentment than affect lasting change) to a mindset of working WITH students, seeking collaboratively to select consequences that best serve the outcomes we want. The shift involves the understanding that human beings are relational and thrive in contexts of social engagement and caring relationships over environments focused on punishment and retribution. 

References

Abramson, L. (2014). Being emotional, being human: Creating healthy communities and institutions by honoring our biology. In V. Kelly & M. Thorsborne (Eds.). The psychology of emotion in restorative practice: How affect script psychology explains how and why restorative practices works (pp. 84-104).

Costello, B., Wachtel, J., & Wachtel, T. (2010). Restorative circles in schools: Building community and enhancing learning. Bethlehem, PA: International Institute for Restorative Practices.

Vygotsky, L.S. (1962) Thought and language. Cambridge, MA: MIT Press.

Whitlock, J.L. (2006). Youth perceptions of life in school: Contextual correlates of school connectedness in adolescence. Applied Developmental Science, 10(1), 13-29.

For the 2019-2020 school year, even more hard work is underway in the Wichita Public Schools to create the best possible school environments for students in attendance.  There is now a concerted effort to expand an approach called “Restorative Practices” to all Wichita Schools, and so it’s also a perfect time to invite parents to help support the more positive school climate that results, and work together with educational professionals to improve outcomes for our students.Our ultimate goals are to...

• increase academic achievement and social and emotional learning;

• help students develop a belief in themselves to achieve at a higher level;

• improve the school climate, and  student connection to and participation in school; and

• reduce suspensions and expulsions in favor of other disciplinary policies. 

In a variety of ways, many staff members and students are already building better relationships and more of a sense of community in schools, but they need more help.  Promoting peaceable ways to deal with conflict and stress is no easy task. More and more and more, our students are coming into schools thinking violence and verbal aggression is the only way – partly because they are exposed to it so much.   

We know that some students LIVE with it every day, and ALL of us are drowning in a culture of violence thanks to the media – which seems to be focused on keeping us distracted and making us feel fearful.  Providing tools for students to respond differently in their interactions with each other is critical. That is what USD 259 is diligently working to do.

In particular, we are promoting nonviolent ways of resolving conflicts by working on solutions WITH each other as opposed to doing things TO people, FOR people, or NOT at all.  To illustrate this, we often use what we call the Social Discipline Window.  Here is a version of it:

What we are working toward is having more and more of our interactions occur in the orange section of the window at the upper right corner.  Here, we are fitting ourselves together like puzzle pieces, working WITH each other for a better world at all levels – what we call being RESTORATIVE.   The other choices are all much less effective.

We DON’T want to do things TO people (the upper left corner) – even if we believe we have their best interests at heart.  One reason is because people are much more likely to support what they help create.  Also, when issues are difficult, doing things TO people ... being PUNITIVE(or punishing) in our tone or approach can make them feel like someone is throwing bricks at them ... and they want to just throw bricks back.  This just adds more violence – even if it is verbal rather than physical.

Furthermore, we don’t want to do things FOR people (lower right corner) – even if it is easy, or seems expedient or helpful.  Struggling to achieve goals is important for people in the same way that a chick struggling out of an eggshell at hatching time is important.  Without that struggle, we don’t develop the skills and strengths we need to be productive members of society and achieve our chosen successes.  We are being PERMISSIVE here, as if we are feathering the nests of people with cotton balls, and just making them dependent on others rather than their own gifts and talents.

Finally, as in the lower left window pane, we don’t want to be in the position or habit of NOTdoing anything to move society forward in a positive way.  We don’t want to be NEGLECTFUL, as if ignoring or avoiding our problems will make them go away.  People feel erased by neglect – as if they don’t matter, as if there is no hope, as if they don’t exist.  Already, there is too much of that feeling in the world, and it is because of our unwillingness or inability to apply restorative ideas, or our lack of knowledge about them.

We know from our experience and from extensive available research that a positive school, work, or home climate – where people feel included, respected, valued, and connected – is KEY to improving performance, and social and emotional learning.  This goal is vital to all of us, and Wichita schools are working on it in a variety of ways every day.  We cannot, however truly be successful  without help from parents and the community.  Students need to get a consistent empowering message from every corner of their environment because the future is in their hands.

We appreciate what anyone can do to support a school in which all members feel emotionally and physically safe, but we all need to do more.  In a world that seems to get crazier and crazier because of our apparent dedication to violence of all kinds, we doubt that we can afford NOT to go all in to save our children, and help them be prepared to turn the tide towards a more peaceful world ... before it’s too late.

Please do let school leaders know if you have any input and suggestions about the work they are doing with Restorative Practices, and especially ask questions until you fully understand what this paradigm means.  Restorative Practices is not a project that is here today and gone tomorrow, but a new way to approach a universally classic and effective way to best interact with each other in relationship – especially when things go wrong and harm is done.

With Restorative Practices, we are asking what works, what doesn’t work, and what kinds of strategies are most helpful.  You can help us find the answers.